Skip to main content

All night on the beach til the break of dawn??

In a little over a month I’ll be heading to Miami for a weekend reunion with my college girlies. Sun, drinks with umbrellas, lounging on the beach… sounds great, right? Well, yes. And also no.

While I’m psyched to be seeing my girls, I’m less than thrilled about the location. At first I thought this was due to my heart already having been set on meeting in saint louie, because who wouldn’t want to visit Miami? But recently I’ve realized that although I do want to visit Miami at some point, I’m worried about how it’ll affect me right now. Lemme ‘splain.

As you all know, I’ve been pretty rough on my body recently. Surprisingly, I’m not always so down on myself, but ever since I came back from London I’ve had a tough time liking myself. Anyway, I joined a gym in January and I’ve been pretty good about going three times a week, and I have started to see some tightening up and such (although I’ve actually gained a couple pounds), but I still feel really vulnerable to attacks of the body sads.

I don’t know about anybody else, but when I hear ‘Miami’ I think ‘thongs’ and ‘bodies’ and ‘sex.’ Not that I have anything against any of those words, per se, but the image I get is of bronzed women with tiny waists and high, round asses. Basically, perfection. Which I will probably never achieve, in the societal sense. Not only that, but I’m not even skinny with no ass, or curvy with a little extra meat but firm. I’m, as described in the last post, jiggly.

So of course I’m terrified of the beach, because the only thing to do there is lie around and let it all hang out. Even the pool is better, because it’s semi-private and I can always jump in the water and pretend it’s opaque. But the beach is all about lying around with your bits squishing out and trying to tan as much of your skin, excess or otherwise, while people stroll by and check you out (and either whistle or vomit internally).

I know we’re not going to spend all our time on the beach, and hopefully not everybody in Miami is hot anyway, but the fear is still keeping me from getting as excited as I should. I guess if worst comes to worst I’ll just pull a Miranda (from SATC), wear a bunch of cover-ups, and blame my pale skin. But I’d really like to get a tan…
Labels:

Comments

Sara said…
when i think of miami, i think of overly bronzed women, with dried-out bleach blond hair. skinny, yes. perfection? no.

don't compare yourself to others! i do it all the time, and it is very self-destructive. i think about how others prettier than me, better dressed, have more friends, and generally are superior to me based on superficial assessments, and i'm trying to stop. what we see and envy from the outside does not always reflect reality. most likely the skinny/tan people are riddled with insecurities and see myriad deficiencies in their own lives. you especially should not allow skinny, tan rollerbladers prevent you from enjoying a long-awaited visit with your friends.

i know you have heard this kind of thing many times, but it's always good to hear. you are beautiful, and you should never let someone else make you feel bad about your own body/life/whatever.

i mean, if a chair can be happy his (its?) lot in life, can't we learn to accept ourselves?
11 March 2009 at 19:12
Anne said…
you're right, i know, but it's so hard to remember that skinny/orange isn't perfect when lindsay lohan is such a goddam sex idol. or so say the media.
if only i could be as happy as the chair (or derek)!
11 March 2009 at 21:40
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Do fat women have it worse than fat men?

I've always said that being fat is harder on women than it is on men.  Not only is there a lot more societal pressure to be stick thin rather than just healthy, which men don't seem to get, but it's a lot harder to be seen as physically attractive if you're even ten or fifteen pounds overweight. Anyway, it seems I'm not the only one thinking these things.  There's an article in the NYTimes today about overweight and obese women doing worse than men financially, an interesting angle on the effects of obesity, and in it they say: Why doesn’t body size affect men’s attainment as much as women’s? One explanation is that overweight girls are more stigmatized and isolated in high school compared with overweight boys. Other studies have shown that body size is one of the primary ways Americans judge female — but not male — attractiveness. We also know that the social stigma associated with obesity is strongest during adolescence. So perhaps teachers and pee...
4 comments
Read more

Can technology help me Lose It, or will I get lost in the numbers?

A few weeks ago I downloaded a new app for my iPhone called Lose It. It’s a calorie counter, but it also incorporates exercise, and the best part is that it’s pretty non-judgmental, as these things go. It lets you choose your own goal, and how fast you want to lost the weight, and then it just calculates the numbers for you. For example, I told it my current weight (I don’t want to talk about it) and that I wanted to lose thirty pounds (yes, hopelessly idealistic) in six months (hey, you gotta have some realism). And it told me my calorie allowance was roughly 2,100 per day. Way higher than I expected! Which is the other thing about this app: it makes me feel good about my eating habits! I have it tracking my nutrients as well, and besides the fact that I eat about twice as much sodium as I’m supposed to (yeah, yeah, whatever. Salt is gooooood), I’m pretty on-target with everything else. And I’ve been coming in under my calorie count pretty much every day. Even Easter! And I...
5 comments
Read more

Memo to medical professionals: the 'weight' issue

I have a bone to pick with the medical community, although it's probably well hidden beneath layers of fat. Yes, I'm talking about the way that doctors and medical professionals deal with weight. A few months ago, I asked my friend if she liked her 'lady doctor,' because I needed to go in for my annual check-up and I don't have a doctor in SF. Her response was something along the lines of "yeah, I like her because she doesn't talk a lot. I mean, except to tell me to lose weight." At this point, she shrugged, as if this is par for the course. For the record, this friend, while not slender, weighs less than I do. So I went online to Yelp (otherwise known as the bible), and I chose a doctor who gets rave reviews. He's a man, unfortunately, but I figured I should just suck it up and give him a try. And I liked him, mostly. The only thing he did that bothered me was that he talked a little too much. Oh yeah, and that he kept slipping in comment...
4 comments
Read more