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Serenity, my ass!

I just finished a yoga/pilates/ballet workout, and I felt the need to vent.

I feel like yoga is supposed to make me more centered, more peaceful and one with my body, etc. And it does, when I can manage to not look at myself while I’m doing it. But when I do succumb to the temptation to look at my body in the poses, as I usually do, I feel the opposite of what I should. Instead of peace and harmony I feel rage and frustration.

This is especially true during downward dog, when I can’t help but look at my legs, the contracted thigh muscles lost under a rippling, hanging sea of excess flesh. I know, I know, I shouldn’t do yoga in shorts (or undies and a tee, which is usually my lazy at-home workout outfit). But it seems to me that covering up the problem is only a short-term solution.

Of course, staring furiously at the problem and fucking up my chakra (or whatever) doesn’t seem like any sort of solution at all. What I really want is a quick-fix (or a slow, guaranteed fix), but I don’t have the money or the down time required for surgery, and as my wise boyfriend put it, if I can just hold off for a couple of years, and make sure I really feel like I need it, there will probably be more, better, options. But eff that. I already had surgery on my thighs and I feel like it didn’t do a damn thing!

Basically I’m just cranky and frustrated, but I’m determined to keep it from ruining my already semi-crap day. Time to hit the showers and then go have some low-cal lunch (thank god pastrami and mustard are low calorie and tasty), and maybe I can drink away my anger tonight.

Wish me luck!

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