So I went to the gym today, like a good little chubster, and while I was sweating it out on the bike I tried not to stare at the perky, everslender asses bouncing up and down in front of me on the elliptical. But I couldn’t help it, and here’s why: I have a problem with staring at other people’s bodies, especially tits and ass. I think maybe I’m part frat boy. Or I grew up with a bisexual older sister and a vocal older brother, and was trained from an early age to check out other women (although sadly I get no tingles down below from kissing them or touching their boobs, which is as far as I went with my only girl-fling).
But this is not a post about my inappropriate staring. This is a post about thongs. Ok, ok. I get it. I no longer rail for hours against the thong; I no longer state outright that I’ll never wear one, or that it’s better to just go without. Windy days in SF have taught me that they are better than nothing, and I even own about ten, a few of which are favorites (love you, Gap Body!). BUT(T) I draw the line at thongs at the GYM! WHAT??
I know I’ve admitted I own some, and even that I like wearing them sometimes, but I never said they were comfortable. Come on, girls. They are not comfortable. They’re not as terrible as I once assumed them to be, but they are not, by any stretch of the imagination or lycra, comfortable.
So why, I ask again, would you wear one to the gym? Skipping over the obvious gynecological problems that sweating in tight pants and a thong probably cause, that leaves us with the question of why, socially/fashion-wise.
All right, I understand that tight pants such as those favored by most of us when working out, lead to VPL unless you wear a thong. But– and here’s the really important question– who gives a flying fuck? Seriously, it’s the thong-wearing types who ruin the gym for those of us who just want to get sweaty so we can have a smoothie without feeling guilty. Because you know they’re not wearing those thongs for comfort, no matter what they might say. I don’t care how wedgie-licious your usual workout panties are, there is no way that having a chunk of cloth permanently wedged in your ass crack is more comfortable.
So of course they haven’t thrown on the thongs for comfort’s sake, which means they're doing it out of self-consciousness. Fair enough. We all feel self-conscious at the gym. But the point of the gym is to be able to at least pretend to say ‘fuck it.’ And we can’t do that if some of the herd are striding in looking perfect!
Basically, I feel it is an inalienable right of gym-goers to be comfortable and feel moderately cute while they self-flagellate with exercise. Therefore I don’t judge (in fact I often ask about store locations) those who wear cute tops or sporty little capris or pink sneakers. Whatever makes you less miserable. I myself wear cute capris and orange and pink sports bras under tight men’s undershirts, and I put my short hair in pigtails, and I look pretty cute at the gym. But I draw the line at makeup and thongs. These women need their own gym, where they can be pretty and VPL-free with each other, because I don’t want to see it. I joined the Y so I can see old barrel-chested guys and saggy-assed, proud VPL-bearers sweat like animals, not to watch perfect twenty-somethings parade around with a healthy glow and asses unmarred by elastic bands.
It ruins my fucking chi. Or whatever it is that chi translates to in the realm of physical fitness.
But this is not a post about my inappropriate staring. This is a post about thongs. Ok, ok. I get it. I no longer rail for hours against the thong; I no longer state outright that I’ll never wear one, or that it’s better to just go without. Windy days in SF have taught me that they are better than nothing, and I even own about ten, a few of which are favorites (love you, Gap Body!). BUT(T) I draw the line at thongs at the GYM! WHAT??
I know I’ve admitted I own some, and even that I like wearing them sometimes, but I never said they were comfortable. Come on, girls. They are not comfortable. They’re not as terrible as I once assumed them to be, but they are not, by any stretch of the imagination or lycra, comfortable.
So why, I ask again, would you wear one to the gym? Skipping over the obvious gynecological problems that sweating in tight pants and a thong probably cause, that leaves us with the question of why, socially/fashion-wise.
All right, I understand that tight pants such as those favored by most of us when working out, lead to VPL unless you wear a thong. But– and here’s the really important question– who gives a flying fuck? Seriously, it’s the thong-wearing types who ruin the gym for those of us who just want to get sweaty so we can have a smoothie without feeling guilty. Because you know they’re not wearing those thongs for comfort, no matter what they might say. I don’t care how wedgie-licious your usual workout panties are, there is no way that having a chunk of cloth permanently wedged in your ass crack is more comfortable.
So of course they haven’t thrown on the thongs for comfort’s sake, which means they're doing it out of self-consciousness. Fair enough. We all feel self-conscious at the gym. But the point of the gym is to be able to at least pretend to say ‘fuck it.’ And we can’t do that if some of the herd are striding in looking perfect!
Basically, I feel it is an inalienable right of gym-goers to be comfortable and feel moderately cute while they self-flagellate with exercise. Therefore I don’t judge (in fact I often ask about store locations) those who wear cute tops or sporty little capris or pink sneakers. Whatever makes you less miserable. I myself wear cute capris and orange and pink sports bras under tight men’s undershirts, and I put my short hair in pigtails, and I look pretty cute at the gym. But I draw the line at makeup and thongs. These women need their own gym, where they can be pretty and VPL-free with each other, because I don’t want to see it. I joined the Y so I can see old barrel-chested guys and saggy-assed, proud VPL-bearers sweat like animals, not to watch perfect twenty-somethings parade around with a healthy glow and asses unmarred by elastic bands.
It ruins my fucking chi. Or whatever it is that chi translates to in the realm of physical fitness.
Comments
But as corny as it may be, I don't let it phase me. I think you just have to let people do what they do, insecurities running wild, and know that you are wonderful as you are. No one's self-consciousness can ruin you, unless you let it.