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"Turn off your mind you're using up your brain"

Today I set foot in a plus-size store for the first time since losing the weight seven years ago. As I've previously mentioned, sizing is a bitch over here in the UK, and despite my determination to avoid buying pants (in order to avoid facing the realization that no store here carries pants big enough for my hips), I've recently been on the hunt for a cute pair of shorts for my trip to Rome this week.
I first tried the good old department store, M&S. Like Old Navy (my favorite store when I was heavy), they carry a wide range of sizes, and are popular with all ranges of body type, so if someone recognizes the dress you're wearing, you're spared the embarrassment of saying it's from Lane Bryant (although I kind of miss Lane Bryant, bc they have adorable clothes). In fact, a stick-insect might even smile at you and say "I have that!" This is a wondrous feeling.
Anyway, sadly, the only shorts I liked at M&S were sold out in my size. So, after cruising online and bravely trying on a pair of shorts at H&M (so cute, and made my butt look great, actually, but wouldn't even come close to zipping up), I decided to suck it up and try Evans, a plus size store (however, here that means size 14 (US 10) and up, which is infuriating) lauded for their curve-enhancing styles.
It took a lot of psyching myself up to walk through those doors in front of everyone and her mom on Oxford Street. If it hadn't been for my boyfriend holding my hand and practically dragging me in, I'm not sure I would have made it. And I was only there for 20 minutes at most. I grabbed the only pair of shorts I really liked, tried them on, was relieved that they were too big (and generally they just weren't my style), and happily resigned myself to dresses and skirts and leggings as my vacation wear.
So the trip itself was uneventful, except that it got me thinking about how lucky women are to have stores that carry cute, fashionable clothes in bigger sizes. I worked really hard when I was heavy to have a wardrobe that made me feel feminine and cute instead of like an elephant hiding in a mumu. The experience at Evans also made me mentally slap myself a little. When I was heavy, all I wanted was to be able to wear the labels my friends wore, like American Eagle or Anthropology or Gap. And now I can, and I find myself terrified that if I get comfortable with bigger stores I'll let my body ease back into a size 26 again. But I won't. I like those Anthropology dresses too much!
Anyway, I'm sorry if this post is a little weird and not very well written; I didn't really have a cohesive essay planned out (and I'm listening to Madonna, the immaculate album, so I'm a little distracted by singing). I just wanted to share that I broke my no-plus-size-stores streak today and it wasn't so bad.
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