My Earlobes Still Feel Fat

Okay, I don't really get the obsession with the dancing/skating/dogwalking with the stars franchise, but I do read gossip blogs and they like to talk about these reality/competition shows, so I've sort of been watching things unfold.  So I've been aware of Kirsty Alley's big comeback, and I've been secretly rooting for her– after the rags have been all over her for her weight these past few years, I figure she probably needs a confidence boost (although maybe I'm projecting).  At the same time, though, I've been sort of holding my breath, waiting for Youtube to explode with videos of her falling and her thighs jiggling in slo-mo and all that terrible stuff people love to make viral. But as my favorite snarkblogger, Michael K , has put it, Kirsty is dancing her Thetans off !  She's been shaking it way harder (and way better) than a lot of the skinny bitches out there, and in a weird, detached, uninterested-in-her-up-to-now kind of way, I'm so prou...

I'm in the dressing room at Anthropologie, and so far I've tried a size 8 jacket (too big), a size 14 dress (too small), a size medium dress (fits, but not cute), a size 12 dress (a bit too big), another size 12 dress (way too small), a size 10 dress (perfect everywhere but a bit small in the boobs), and 2 more size 12 dresses (1 perfect and 1 a bit too big). Sigh... Sent from my erstwhile fancypants, now outdated iPhone 3G

Writing all these chapters about my life and my body is kind of intense.  Last week, I wrote about a panic attack I had over my body three years ago, and I could feel my pulse racing as I wrote it; re-living the experience actually made me have another mini-attack.  It's amazing how much I seem to have blocked from memory.  The smell of surgery recovery, the pain, both emotional and physical, that I've continuously put myself through in the fruitless pursuit of bodily normalcy... but I've forgotten good things as well. Today I was writing about my recovery from plastic surgery, specifically abdominoplasty and brachioplasty (arms).  And I was remembering the horrible, excruciating pulling at my stomach, and the fear that if I made one wrong move my belly would split open and all my insides would tumble out.  But I was also surprised to remember how happy I was after those surgeries, and how confident. The accompanying lipo made me retain so much water, I wa...

Well, in fairness, this one was a nurse.  And she was pretty cool.  But the numbers were still assholes. A little background: I'm still in London, and not going home as often / uninsured in the States, so I decided it was well past time to try to get my birth control on the NHS.  So I went into the clinic affiliated with my Uni.  And of course they had to weigh/measure me.  And of course my BMI says I'm obese. Fuck off, BMI.  Obese??  Ok, I could lose a few stone, but if you're seriously telling me I have to lose 50 pounds to be within the range of 'normal,' you're off your rocker.  I'm a size 12, for god's sake!  I know it's not slender, but it's certainly not obese either! I'm so sick of being controlled by numbers.  Even the nurse, when I told her I'd had weight-loss surgery and had been leveling out within 10 pounds of my current weight for the past 9 years, said she thought the numbers were a bit silly as they don't take b...

Carnie Wilson, the woman who made Gastric Bypass famous by streaming video of her operation online, has been through a few ups and downs (and a few book deals, and People magazine covers...) in the past 10 years.  But I hadn't seen much of her the past few years, until now.  A few days ago, I was cruising my favorite gossip site, DListed , and I came across a little blurb about Carnie.  She hasn't been in the news much, so I'd assumed she was just getting on with her life.  But I guess she's probably been trying to stay out of the public eye, since she's gained back a good bit of the weight she lost twice: first right after the surgery, and again a few years later after putting it back on.  So.  Finally, someone in the public sphere admits that GB isn't the SKINNY SOLUTION everybody thinks it is.  I feel validated, and relieved, even as I feel kind of sorry for Carnie; she went through all the ups and downs with the media watching, and even though...

I'm wearing jeans today, for the first time since... I can't even remember. Spring, maybe? You guys know how big of a deal this is for me. I didn't want to do it, but it's 28 degrees in London right now and I can't even begin to describe how sick I am of tights and leggings. So I bit the bullet. The last time I tried on my jeans, I could barely button the 'normal' pair. The fat jeans I bought a little over a year ago, though, felt great. Only one problem: they're way too long! Which I don't remember being a problem when I first bought them... But it must have been, unless I've got the horrible shrinks. Anyway, that day I gave up and went for the leggings/dress combo again. But today, after I got my shit together and got the flat ready for our housekeeper, I only had 10 minutes to throw something on. So I held my breath, closed my eyes, and pulled on the 'normals'. And, amazingly, they fit! Ok, so they're ...

Last month I posted about a new (then) TV show called 'Mike and Molly', about two chunky people in luurve.  I thought it was probably a good idea for the media to try portraying fat people as real human beings who fall in love and make out and shit, but apparently some people are offended by it.  Seems the mere thought of two fatties getting in each others' atmospheres is enough to make some skinny bitches hurl.  Maura Kelly , for one. Now, I'm not really interested in telling you my thoughts on the matter, because I think you can probably guess them (if not, I'll sum up: I hate my body, and think it's fat and therefore disgusting, but I also believe that anyone and everyone has a right to get it on with a consenting adult, and I definitely don't think two fat people is any grosser an image than two old people or two teenagers or two of anybody whose naked coupling isn't thrust at us from tv and movie screens on a regular basis).  Ok, so I kind of tol...